It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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