i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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