dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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