I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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