someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
