so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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