Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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