Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
