You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
