well I can't set my house on fire every night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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