just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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