just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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