I never want to see another naked old woman again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
