somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
