I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize