Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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