I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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