why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
