I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish I only lived at night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
