After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
