Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
