thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
