I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize