I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
