Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
