tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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