So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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