**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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