Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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