maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do herpes really smell.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
