I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
