OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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