No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
