Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was like eating out sand paper
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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