I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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