Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
