And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
