yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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