just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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