I'm eating all of the evidence.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
