we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i out mim tonsoeep
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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