This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
