Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
