One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
