Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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