google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
