I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
