I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
