apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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