So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
as a side note pls kill me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
