I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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