I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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