somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
