If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
