I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
