I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize