The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
