We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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