I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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