there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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