i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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