I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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