This is not my ceiling
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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