the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize