I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
