singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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