There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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