Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
