that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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