Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
