he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
